How You Want Love And You A Hoe?

I was supposed to post a blog weeks ago but I don’t listen, not even to myself. I am also late to everything and I mean everything, its like one of my worst habits besides being wrong and playing victim but this isn’t a blog about that. It’s about love. It’s actually about a lot of things. Things I have no idea about but I want to make sure Im not the only one who’s lost here because if I am maybe I should book some more sessions with my therapist. Now I know what the title of the blog says and I’ll get to that, eventually but we have a lot of topics to cover today. This blog is about more than finding love even if you’re not a 2021 Benz fresh off the lot. I actually hate the car reference because cars depreciate in value as soon as you sit in that shit and that’s not me.Like money bagg yo said a couple nigga might done had her but it still grip tight! So this is no car I’m more like an investment bag, a Birkin if you will

Shall we begin? We shall. Why is it that whenever you’re done with a man like through with him, SICK OF HIS SHIT, OVER IT, HATE HIS GUTS, MOVING ON, GLOWING, HAPPY, LIVING YOUR LIFE, GETTING IT TOGETHER or on the verge of all of the previous feelings that the men show back up? Do they have a bat signal that tells them like bro she’s about to be done with you, go confuse her. It’s like its always right on time too, like do their aint shit nigga senses start tingling or what? I need answers. Cause this one always baffles me. How you gonna show up and ask “so you done with me?” right when I was about to be done with you? Cause sir now I DON’T KNOW!

OH and another thing what is the point of putting in the work of trying to have sex with me to then just turn around and be a disappointment. For all that you coulda just said hey mam, Im trynna have sex with you and let me decide if I was gonna give you the kewchee or not. I remember the first time this happened to me and I didn’t know the game yet because to be honest I learned a lot of shit later than I should have. My parents being VERY Caribbean did not really start talking to me about men and relationships until the other day. I was soooooo disappointed and looking back there were definitely warning signs but I overlooked all of the red flags because I had a crush and he was entertaining me and I didn’t have much confidence truth be told. I was just happy to be there and at that time I actually believed niggas when they said “text me when you get home” and I literally text them when I got home. *insert face palm here* So when the energy changed after the chase was over I retraced the steps in my mind to figure out what I did wrong and in reality the only thing I did wrong was not notice the BLATANT RED FLAGS to begin with. There wasn’t anything wrong with me but that’s the way the cookie crumbles, sometimes youre just these niggas something to do. Anyways, yeah, why cant yall keep it real so I can just say NO and we can keep it moving.

Then let me teach yall something you may not have known. NO MEANS NO. I don’t know who died and made you niggas boss, but the level of audacity that a lot of yall be having is beyond me. I could say No and its like a man will not hear No they’ll hear “try harder” or if you really offend them they’ll hear “plot on her downfall” it’s a very weird habit. The male ego is truly more fragile than fine china and two things they do not take well to: REJECTION AND HEARTBREAK. For some the rejection may not even register and they just keep trying. Ive been unfollowed, cursed out, kicked out, blocked, you name it because I wasn’t interested. Then instead of apologizing they wait a few months or a year and pop back up like sir, fuck off, go die. NOW HEARTBREAK, that registers with men. I wannasay 90% of men have a heartbreak story and let me outline it for you. They liked a girl a lot and she did something they didn’t like, probably something they considered hoe shit and it hurt their very fragile ego and they never got over now the rest of the females on earth have to suffer for it. Not to mention they never look into WHY the girl did what she did. Mind you itll be something that happened when they were like six.

Now if these women gain some weight, have a child with an unfortunate person or go through some life struggles these men will really be overjoyed. REPEAT AFTER ME Just because the person you wanted is not with you does not mean they don’t get to be happy, that’s not how it works. Please stop watching Tyler Perry movies. That girl is not gonna get AIDS cause she left your broke ass, you clown. Please go to therapy, Talkspace takes insurance now. You can literally text your therapist. 

These are the same people who will tell you that you cant turn a hoe into a housewife when they have neither a house nor a hoe to put in it. When in reality they are the hoe you cant turn into a housewife. No but in all reality I think about my life a lot and I think about the content that I put out and how people react to it and the conversations I have because of it. I see what I post one way but I know an outsider looking in sees ASS just mad ASS. I look at my own pictures over and over again because I love me and Im still learning to love each piece of my body but I think these pictures look great and they make me happy even when my body dysmorphia is kicking my ass and telling me I belong in a seaworld exhibit. I also know I’m never shy to talk about certain topics ESPECIALLY because I learned so many things later in life I want other women to know they aren’t alone or weird but even in a world where we are supposed to be so free and progressive certain things are still viewed in a certain light. So I’ve found myself thinking lately what if my soulmate is reading all of the things I post and thinking this girl is too wild for me but then that couldn’t be my soulmate, could it? In all the 27 years of my life I am finally coming into my own and being true to who I am and finally finding my true purpose in life. If someone can’t understand that then they obviously are not the man for me. So that still leaves the question: How you want love and you a hoe? 

Well to be honest I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE. I’m more single than a penny. I don’t even know where you find men at. I finally am in a semi normal mental state where I think maybe I can begin dating but it’s a pandemic. Yall ever tried to date in a pandemic? It’s about as easy as finding toilet paper at the beginning of the pandemic. I’m a hopeless romantic though so I believe he’s out there somewhere probably in Nigeria just waiting to sweep me off of my feet. If he’s not, then that’s fine too. One of the best things I’ve learned through everything I’ve lost this past year is that I’m okay alone. I am okay with just myself and I make myself very happy and that’s a blessing. I also know that you will never receive what you aren’t ready for, and I have a lot to get done that I don’t need to get distracted from right now. I would be lying if I said I don’t wanna feel butterflies in my kewchee when I think about somebody or smile when I walk around my house texting, and I haven’t done that in SOOOO long but I also am not rushing it because if I get sent one more man who is sent for character development, I might lose it. I’m talking burn his house down like Lisa Left Eye did to her man. So again not rushing it, Im keeping myself busy. There’s a lot to do. 

Don’t ever let people tell you that you aren’t worthy of anything. Yall know I love to tell you about my mom’s wise sayings and whenever my dramatic ass would be crying about something like it was the end of the world my mom would kiss my forehead and tell me “the only thing you can’t come back from in life is death”. In the same breath she would tell me that “When you don’t learn the lesson the first time, it’s going to be taught to you again until you learn it” so remember those two things because very often they go hand in hand. Most times we are the only thing standing in our own way because we aren’t learning the lesson that’s literally flashing in front of us so we can move on and receive our blessing. So learn your lessons, receive your blessings, tell your people you love them, slow down a little bit and enjoy things. Always remember you are worthy of great things. Even love. Even if youre a hoe.

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