Girl, He Don’t Want You

When I was a kid my mom told me not to play with fire because it was hot and it will burn me. I went to go touch the fire just to make sure sis wasn’t lying to me though. Then it burned me, it hurt and I cried. My mom treated my poor little burnt hand and you know what I did after that? I went and touched it again just to make sure it really hurt or maybe it was that I forgot the pain. Either way, that next time I ended up hurting myself so bad that I will never forget that pain and I am very careful when it comes to fire. You would think after experiencing that I would have applied that lesson to everything in life but I didn’t and still don’t. Hey, I never said I was smart just pretty (that’s a joke for my people who take everything I say literally). In fact, I have tried my luck with many, many other forms of fire especially men. I went back and touched that particular fire so many times, it wasn’t until last year that I got really hurt and I learned. At first, I was just really, really sad and confused, but then that subsided to a level that it was bearable and I FINALLLLY could understand all the lessons that were thrown at me.

That being said I dont know who needs to hear this but “leave that man alone, he dont want you”. I mean you b*tches do not be listening. Its me Im bitches. I do not listen. Well I DIDNT listen before but NOW OH BABYYYY! I hear everything a man says to me, I see those red flags in 3D, and most importantly I watch what they do. I could tell you Im gonna bring you lunch every single day but if I dont actually bring you lunch every single day, is what Im saying credible at all? The answer is NO. Now, I understand those red flags really do feel like six flags when you really like someone but that hurt that comes along with it is not gonna be fun. The maintenance that comes along with it isnt worth it, trust me.

I like to think of myself as a battery and each time I deal with someone who doesn’t add anything to my life, my battery level starts to dwindle until I have nothing left to give. Then I recharge and try again. At some point, understandably that battery wont charge back up as fast and it’ll run out of juice faster than before. Wear and tear will do that to you. In order to protect myself I’ve been learning what some would call BOUNDARIES. They’re honestly one of the best and yet hardest things I’ve ever had to learn about. We all have things we cant accept, things we may accept and things we absolutely know we cannot accept. These things are not the same for everyone, please never forget that. The problem comes when we try to accept the things that are in the hard NO category to make someone else happy or to keep someone around.

When you ignore your red flags I can guarantee they will come back and bite you in your ass. You can read more about when I ignored my red flags and let me tell you how the outcome was I got left in the dust. In the end he left me and it was something that I saw early on. Change is hard as f*ck so most times things don’t get better they only snowball and get worse, so I should have known my own personal boundaries and what I consider red flags and stick to them. Now ladies I know that sometimes the d is so good everything else does not seem to matter or maybe you’re lonely and you just want someone around so you accept less than you would like to. STOP IT. STOP IT NOW! You want what you want and you are not wrong for that.

Let me tell y’all I was talking to a young man who may or may not read this at some point so we are gonna call him Pretty Boy. So Pretty boy and I started conversing and in our first conversation he said to me “I don’t usually talk to girls like you” now in my past that probably would have worked for me but new, improved Taylor was ready to get the f*ck, just off that statement alone. I said I was improved though, not perfect yet so instead of leaving immediately I said lemme give him a chance. Well then, that very same thing came back around to bite me in the ass. He should have kept on not dating girls like me because everything I posted made him mad and we argued about it like everyday. I don’t wanna be in a relationship, situationship, whatever you want to call it and be unhappy or walk on egg shells to please anyone else. I would rather be alone before I do that. I have lost myself in relationships before and I never plan on doing it again. Before we got locked inside like the animals at Petco, I was doing things I enjoyed and I was truly happy for the first time in a long time. Why would I give that up? Im not ! Ya shittin me ?

Anyways, we argued once and I let it slide but the second time, oooooh baybeeee. I don’t allow people to talk to me a certain way because what you allow will continue and he told me I was embarrassing. So let me embarrass myself then, THAT AINT NO PROBLEM. So when I tell you it ain’t nun to cut that b*tch off, respectfully of course, it wasn’t nun for real! After you’ve learned you can live without someone you didn’t want to or never thought you could, everything else seems easy. So, even if I really like you, I value my peace over anything else. I value my happiness over anything else. In the past I would’ve accepted it and maybe even changed who I was to make him happy but then I would’ve been unhappy and that’s a strong no. I truly think love is about acceptance and it’s not about trying to change someone in to who you want them to be.

I’ve come too far to go back to where I once was. Now I know certain things don’t work for me. I know I need someone who’s not insecure, someone who’s loving. A person I find funny and who finds me to be funny ( cause I’m truly a movie). These are just some of my basic requirements and I respect myself enough to set boundaries that don’t allow people who can’t do these basic things, access to me.

Boundaries should be set for not just love interests but people in general. Whether it be friends, family, even your parents. Your happiness and mental health are very important things. If you need a self care day take it. If someone invites you to some event and you don’t wanna go then don’t. If someone tries to make you do something that you do not want to do then don’t do it. If you’re like me then you’re probably not gonna take my advice and you’re gonna continue to talk to the man who you KNOW don’t really like you or continue to spread yourself too thin by doing things you don’t want to do constantly. Which is fine because some of us learn in different ways but as my mother says “ he who don’t hear, gonna feel” and hopefully you learn the first time it hurts and you don’t have to feel it again.

What are some things that you can and cannot accept from the person you’re dating ?