I’m Bout To Hit The Club And Dance Like A Stripper.

Besides taking me to the bank one of the others ways to show me you love me is with music and dancing. I love when people send me songs and dance with me and sing with me. However, I can’t dance. I look like a white dad at a barbecue. My woah is more of a gosh darn it and I cannot milly rock on your block, mine or anybody else’s for that matter. I can twerk though, I can shake this ass like you can’t believe. I really thought I was apart of the twerk team and honestly I thought that’s all I needed to become a stripper hoe, boy was I wrong.

Lemme tell you guys about how it all went down. One day Imma tell my kids this story and they’re going to think that their mom is a psychopath but one of the things that I wish my mom did with me is kept it real. Instead she kept it real hidden. My mom tried to baby me for a long time and I learned A LOT of stuff on my own the hard way and I thank god now for the relationship we have because we discuss everything. Anyways so it all started when Star and I went to Sues Rendezvous at the ripe old age of 19. I was amazed. I always thought strippers were amazing and I still do. I mean they’re entertaining. At the time Sues was the place to be so it was packed and the ladies was in there making their coins you hear me. I was intrigued. I remember one of the managers asking me if I ever thought about dancing and took my number but I shyly responded “no” and giggled.

I remember when I got home I sat there and I thought about the fact that I needed more money and I needed it fast. The vision of the girls smiling and having fun at Sues played in my head over and over again. I could party every night and make money. I couldn’t see why more people don’t do this. Except I knew nothing about being a stripper so I started to do my research aka I started googling shit. What did I need for a stripper bag? I went to Rite Aid and the stripper store on Jamaica Avenue and bought outfits, shoes, baby wipes, pasties && everything else the websites told me to get. Okay so step one was completed. Next up I had to practice. I needed YouTube for this one. I could twerk but what about floor work and pole tricks. So when my mom wasn’t home your girl was getting to it. I was in them heels in my living room getting it on the floor. I mean I was shaking it fast and watching myself. I realized the floor work and pole tricks would have to come in time because I couldn’t practice that in my living room. One time I tried to do a headstand on my fridge and almost died. Last time I ever did that shit. Can you imagine me trying to explain to the ambulance that I was practicing to be a stripper that’s how I broke my neck? Nah, that wasn’t it. Step two was completed as much as humanly possible. So that left step three which was the last and final step. I had to actually go for it. I did so much research for this one. How old did you have to be? What was the protocol? What was auditioning like? What were the strip clubs in NY?

I decided to go back to Sues. I got there and I was shaking and not the in the kind of way that would get me the job. I realized I knew absolutely nothing. I’m surprised I didn’t pass out. They tell me I have to get on the stage and just dance but by the third song I have to be topless. Uhhhhh top who? You want me to take my top off? Like off my body? Like not on me no more? Oh wowwwwww. Take me to the king! I struggled and I know I looked as new as I felt! I had on a one piece and I couldn’t get it unbuttoned in a sexy way to get topless because I was so nervous so I just kind of pulled it over my head like a turtle neck and got caught in it. In that moment I absolutely considered maybe I should give this up and try selling cocaine or something cause wow, I suck. Thank god, auditions are early and nobody was in there. He knew it was my first time doing something like this and he told me don’t be so nervous when I come back to work. I thought to myself after that you’re gonna let me come back? told him I need more practice and asked what does he suggest and he told me I could go to a smaller club (he even listed a few) and get some experience or I could just come to the jungle and suck it up.

I decided experience was the way to go. The next night I went to a club in the Bronx. It was way smaller and also dark as shit. I went to a stage in the back and started to practice. The later it got the more people came in the more I realized I was shy. I was afraid to go talk to customers and I think maybe they could sense I was new because people came and spoke to me. After my first night I left with over 300 dollars and I was like okay not horrible, I guess I can do this. The new girl charm wore off quick and I wasn’t making money just sitting in a corner like I did the first night. Which by the way happens some nights, you don’t always make a ton of money. I realized I was paying to work and I had real bills so I had to start making money and fast. I had to stop playing. That’s when I learned about the joys of drugs and alcohol. If I got drunk enough and did enough molly I wasn’t nervous anymore. I was invincible! Ruby popped out. Oh yeah how did I get that name? Welllllll I got asked what my name was on my first real night of work and I looked at the list. I wanted Diamond but there were 4 1/2 Diamonds on the list already so I needed something else. I had to think fast! Jade? No. Cubic Zirconium? No. Ruby! My birthstone, perfect, It stuck. I became Rackedupruby on Instagram. A thirst trap god. All it took was for me to throw up a twerking video and I got bookings and started to get invited to work at clubs. It was lit from there.

Do I ever regret it? No. Rackedupruby was an iconic time in my life. I was outsideeee. I was in every bodies club at ages that I should not have been but sometimes life just comes at you fast and you have to learn in the moment. Dancing helped me begin the journey to learn to love and appreciate my body as well as the bodies of other women. I learned to be more aware of myself and I learned sex appeal. It even helped me with talking to people because not only did I have to talk to customers in the club but I also had to arrange my own bookings. I’ve met a lot of amazing people along the way who I still speak to until this day. There are so many things that dancing taught me that I would never take that experience back even though it’s wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows. I feel as though everything happens for a reason. I went through everything I went through and I learned so much. I cannot wait to be able to teach everything that I’ve learned about self love, feeling sexy, self confidence, etc. to others (without the stripping, psych ward, and drug and alcohol addiction of course).

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