So I’m petty as hell but I’m trying to be better. The main reason is because honestly when I try to make someone feel like they made me feel, it always backfires. My karma comes back fast as hell. I don’t know why it happens to me like that but it does. I’ll trip somebody and then turn around and fall immediately, the shit doesn’t even make sense. I had to learn to leave it up to the universe to take care of the people who hurt me because the universe does a better job than I could ever do. I had to learn to sit back relax and let things flow. These days I don’t force anything. I’m not lazy in any way shape or form and I do put in work but if I feel overwhelmed I let that sh*t go. I’m like that with relationships and friendships but to be honest I’ve been blessed that the friends I have stick around and remain loyal. I’ve never really had a problem with friends but I think that may be because I am a full fledged psycho with the people I hang out with and I give them all of me so they know what time it is when they’re dealing with me so they gotta take it or leave it.
Speaking of friends Melissa A. has been my backbone for a number of years now. If I call her up she will come running no matter what it is. I mean Mel is who I’ve ran to when I needed someone stronger than me to hold my hand and to wipe my tears. That girl has a piece of my heart forever, I swear. Since we’ve met each other I would see job listings and send them to her because Mel likes to work like she has 8 kids to feed and no baby fava when in fact she has no kids and just herself to feed. I worked in an office on 34th street in Manhattan, NY and next door to it they were opening a restaurant so I told Mel and she applied. Of course she got hired immediately. I was ecstatic because she was so close to me now. As a matter of fact, I went and got hired there part time as well. Boy did we turn that shit up together. We managed to make some good friends as well as some enemies but you know if you ain’t got no haters you ain’t popping.
I’m not exactly sure how but I managed to start talking to one of the managers who by the way was a girl. It was harmless flirting at first but then we stepped the game up to actually talking. I thought I was a full fledged lesbian. One thing about me is I go overboard with everything. I can never just enjoy the moment. I have to over think it. So off the bat I was trying to figure out how I was gonna tell my mom that I was a lesbian. I was trying to figure out which one of us was gonna have the babies or maybe both of us could take turns. I was trying to figure out how that even works and even how much it costs. Mind you at that point the only thing we had done was kissed in the parking lot of the 24 hour rite aid one time but in my head I loved her already soooo it was lit.
We are going to call my lesbian love Tee. Tee was actually bisexual. She dated men before and had actually just broken up with a guy she was with for years, make sure y’all remember that fact because it’s important. She told me she liked women even though she had never been with one seriously. I just knew I was going to be the first. Numero uno or whatever. Everything was going great. It was super cool; and now we were up to like four kisses andddd i had even spent the night at her house so in my eyes we were already domesticated partners. Now that I think about it and I’m writing the story out, I realized I was bored. I was trying to figure out why I even chose this girl and why I liked her so much. When you mix up the fact that I wasn’t talking to anybody else plus my life revolved around my two jobs factor in the limited amount of choices you end up with a catastrophe. Now honestly, this wouldn’t be the first nor the last time I made a horrible decision based on boredom. In fact, the majority of my stories arebecause of the stupid shit I did when I was bored. Now back to Tee and I. I can be Sherlock Holmes when I wanna be and I found her on Facebook. I creeped through her page and found out that she was not broken up with her boyfriend! That she was in fact still with him! Just like that my dream of a kid with two moms was over!
I remember calling up Melissa and trying to figure out what I should do. I was so mad and honestly I wanted Tee to feel the same way that I felt and I decided to play god. In the process of creeping through her Facebook and Instagram I found her mans Instagram and I had Melissa follow him and shoot her shot. Shoutout to Melissa for being a down ass bitch cause not everybody is gonna do that for you. Anyways she shot and she scored but then Tee saw she had left a comment on the boys Instagram page. We got into a huge argument on Instagram with tee and her big ghetto sidekick who I’m gonna call Big and Not Tasty. The argument ended with me in grey sweats with Vaseline on my face ready to drag this big hood rat that worked there cause she was trying it for the longest. She left early thoughhhhh when she heard i was coming so I wasted my moms good Vaseline for nothing.
Needless to say work was really weird for me after that. Thank god it was a side hustle so I didn’t feel bad when I quit shortly there after. I think I legit just stopped going. Now would y’all believe when I tell you Tee and her manended up breaking up a little while after. It was this huge thing on Facebook. Sis was heartbroken just like I was. It was like the universe was saying sis watch me work and don’t interrupt. I didn’t have to do anything at all. Imagine if Big and Not Tasty stayed at work and I woulda dragged her big self on 34th street. I woulda been in jail in seconds stemming from a situation with a person who I don’t think about at all anymore. Even though we like rushing things and want to see it happen when we want to see it happen that’s not the way it works. Things fall into place when and how they need to. If it is for me then it is for me and nobody can take that away and obviously that situation was not for me because something bigger and better is out there. Somebody is waiting for me to get my shit all the way together so they can come love me the way I need to be loved and I’m not rushing it all. In fact, I’m taking my time. I don’t rush karma anymore and if you hurt me the only person I’m worrying about is me and healing myself. I don’t have time to play games nor do I want to play games so I let the universe do its thing and I do mine.
Thank you Mel for always holding it down. You kept it so real I’ll love you forever.