Aight so boom, I got academically dismissed my very first year of college. My GPA after two semesters wasn’t even a whole number like it was literally 0. Something, I don’t even remember. I had only passed one class that was one credit after two whole semesters in college. I had gotten the letter telling me not only could I not go back to school next semester but that I also owed them $18,000 right after I had gotten out of the psych ward ( Read all about that here Crazy in Love? Nah, Just Crazy.). You can imagine this was perfect timing. NOT! On top of all of this my dad said he would not be paying that $18,000 and I was on my own because I didn’t do what I was supposed to be doing anddddd my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer allllll at the same exact time. So when I tell you the kid was going through it the kid was going through it. What exactly did I do for those two semesters you ask?
Welllll for the majority of my life my mom was a stay at home mom so she was always there, I never had any freedom. I had taken up lying to my mom like it was the very air I breathe for about two years prior to me starting college so it was only natural the trend continued when I went to college. My mom told me I was in no way shape or form to waste her money to apply to out of state schools because I didn’t know how to act so even if I got accepted I wouldn’t be going. We compromised on a in state school that I could dorm at and that’s how I ended up at Saint Francis College The Small College of Big Dreams (or Nightmares as it turned out to be). I honestly didn’t know how to act in state either my mom would have been better off just locking me in the basement.
I am not exactly sure if it was because I had never had freedom before but as soon as I got an inch I took the whole mile. I was with alllllllll the links and the shenanigans and put all homework on the back burner. I literally was drunk from my first night in my dorm and the cycle continued from there. When I think about everything that I did in one year of college I am not only shocked an appalled but also amazed.
Lets seeee now, I managed to sleep with lets say four different athletes (not at the same time not that that makes it better) and not all basketball players cause ya girl is versatile, okurrrrrr. Then there was the Hennessy white induced orgy which would, yes, be my wildest college moment and that moment was also never spoken about ever again even though the only male participant was very excited to tell his best friend about it. I know y’all are reading this and its probably a repressed memory that I just dug up but after today you can repress it again. I basically bullied one of my two college roommates, Meghan, out of me and Zoë’s (my other roommate, god bless her) room when we found out that although she liked black athletes, she was not too fond of black women which unfortunately for her, we both were. This actually ended up backfiring on me because our next roommate was insane but she actually ended up just disappearing mid semester so that solved itself . I also had drama with this girl Danielle brewing over my now roommate Lowell which you can read about here I Had sex with my roommate and which would end up making our friend group super awkward because I would send shots at that girl all day, every day. I was obviously big mad. It was also at this time I realized I could twerk and I would teach ratchet, impromptu twerking Thursday classes in my dorm. There was also the first school party which ended with the whole school in my room and I still have no clue how they even all got in the building much less my room. Then there was Gina who is Zoë’s best friend from high school, I remember meeting her and not really thinking too much into her but then we bumped heads and at one point we were even gonna fight. Which is funny to think about now because these days I fight for her instead of with her. It’s crazy how times change.
My dad being who he is was actually not able to pay the balance for me to go back to school for a second semester. My mom of course saved the day and got me a loan for the balance that was due and just in time, too. She didn’t even know I had gotten a letter saying that I was in danger of being academically dismissed if I had another failing semester like the one prior because I had gotten it and hid it. She knew something was up and made me promise to work harder. I mean I missed my finals because I was hung over and I didn’t even care at the time so I could put in at least a little bit more effort than that.
My second semester I got this babysitting job which turned into a full time parent gig. I was working for a ex drug addict sex worker. Yes, You read that right. I didn’t even know she was an escort until one of her daughters told me. I had a carefree life though as you can imagine. She left her kids with me and I got them ready for school and picked them up cooked, sent out their laundry, cleaned, checked homework and even went to Parent Teacher Conferences. Now you can imagine this definitely got in the way of class and since I was 18 years old making 3,000 dollars a week and all my expenses were paid plus her apartment was in Manhattan, I really truly didn’t care about school. Looking back there was so much wrong that I never noticed because I was so young. I wasn’t supposed to be raising those kids, I was a kid myself and they need a mother not a teenager. I treated them like little sisters not daughters and they basically did as they pleased. Eventually their mom relapsed and started doing heavy drugs again and I hadn’t saved any of that money she paid me, I had spent it on absolutely nothing and I had nothing to show for it. I had no job anymore and by that time I had a whole other semester of doing absolutely nothing. I failed everything that semester, straight F’s across the board at least my first semester I passed one class.
So let me recap for you everything that was wrong all at once. I was fresh out of the psych ward with no job, no money, $18,000 in debt to Saint Francis, $7,000 student loans debt that needed to be paid because I was no longer in school, my mom had been just diagnosed with breast cancer and I had literally no hope of what to do next. So what was a girl to do? I did the only thing I could think of. I became an HHA (Home Health Aide) and became a babysitter to the elderly. That lasted a while before I quit and became a stripper which I did for a couple of years, along with a bunch of other jobs that I tried and hated. This was such a scandalous time in my life. I felt like that b***h when I would go visit my old friends at SFC and acted like everything was okay but I yearned to go back to school so bad. I was still coping with my depression and would spend hours and hours and hours and hours researching ways to go back to school without paying back that $18,000. When I found myself clicking the same links over and over again that said it wasn’t possible I would sit and cry until I couldn’t cry anymore, I would cry until I gave myself a headache or I fell asleep. I juggled jobs and got more certifications so that I could work in an actual nursing home and not just in homes because I couldn’t just see myself being stagnant. When I thought I had no more hope and that my life would be spent exactly the way it was the money to pay off school just literally fell into my hands.
Two and a half years had already passed me by but I didn’t care I was going back to college! I had to beg my dean to even accept me back because with my GPA no other school would take me and he said yes! From that day forward I promised myself that I would put my all into my grades. Even after getting back in it hasn’t always been easy, I worked 60 hour weeks sometimes more, I worked as a bartender and had an 8 am and another job and I still kept up straight A’s. I missed funerals because I couldn’t miss work or class because I had no time to make up either. I sacrificed sleep and even time with family and even I had to find a way to pay bills and pay a tutor when I couldn’t understand something so when I got my first degree and I got it with honors I couldn’t be more proud. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I’m not done yet though as I work on my second degree and as I prepare to take my MCATS so that y’all can one day soon call me Dr. Taylor Haynes; I know every single tear was worth it.
Besides, great things came out of that disaster of a year anyways. I met Melissa A. who I told all of my drama to on the A train and then I told her from that day forward she would have to be my best friend and she honestly hasn’t let me down since. I also spent a full night with Bretley and Melissa U. drinking 4 Lokos and watching porn, it was one of the best bonding experiences. Naiomi was added to the mix and eventually Teresa and together we make up the Fab 5 (pictured above). Not to mention all the other people I’ve met who still send me supporting words to this day!(Hey Trish) && the ones who gave me motivation and didn’t even realize it.
I remember when Sky graduated from SFC, I cried because I was so proud of my friend for always getting her sh*t done even though the rest of us were on bullsh*t, but also because I was so sad that I wasn’t at that point in my life. Here she was graduating and I had just got my first semester full of credits. I have never been in the habit of being jealous though so I let all of that hurt go and the only thing that was remained was the pride. I’m still so proud of you Sky! As well as that whole group of friends I used to hang out with because we all got it together in our own time ! What I ended up realizing was that each of us has our own path and at no point and time should we ever compare it to that of someone else’s because what belongs to me will always belong to me and will come to me in time. Whenever I am too hard on myself, my mom always tells me the only thing that we can’t fix is death, so as long as you stay alive we can work on your problem, whatever it is and I truly believe this in every fiber of my being.