I wouldn’t say I’m religious. I don’t go to church often and I don’t identify as any one religion. I have tried a ton of them though. I was Hindu for a second and even thought about becoming Muslim but it never worked out for me. I am spiritual and I definitely do believe there is a god. I also believe that I know right from wrong even though sometimes I still do wrong. The older I get the more I want to do what is right and the closer I get to god. I have learned that my intuition is one of my most powerful tools in life. My intuition is usually spot on 96% of the time. I will know something is wrong and just say to myself, this ain’t it but I’m bored soooooooo “its lit “.
This was the case when somebody’s chocolate son slid his little fine self in my DM. Now if you never comment on my pictures on my page but you send them to me with heart eyes I already know what type of time you’re on. In my head I literally think oh so “ you cheat cheat”? . I trust the secretive DM Negros as much as I trust the ones who whisper when they talking that slick talk in my ear. I’m dumb but I’m not thattttt dumb. So when fine ass slid in my dms with a calm “Damn , you’re perfect”, I rolled my eyes so hard I thought they were going to get stuck in the back of my head. I replied with a real dry “Thanks”. Fine ass found himself in my DM’s often and I was weary with my trust and commitment issues flaring up.
He came at the perfect time though. I had started to think about the fact that Im getting older and I never had a serious relationship. I figured I was healed enough to try it out and with my mom peer pressuring me into giving love a chance and maybe giving her a grandchild I was a little tiny bit overwhelmed. I should have probably figured out that I was not and still am not healed enough for a relationship because well I was still on my bullshit. I already had an amazing guy in my life, he was by no means perfect but he was perfect for me. OH MY LORDT, that was corny as hell. But my damaged ass doesn’t know how to accept love and when he tried to love me I found every reason not to love him back.
So I started entertaining fine ass even though loyal bae was trying really hard to show me how special I was. Oh Taylor, so smart but so dumb all at the same time. As per usual, I never meant to like fine ass. He had weird habits and plus I talked to some of the people we had as mutual friends. I told him that though, I don’t lie anymore. I lay my hoe fax on the table and you either take it or you leave it. He said he was taking it but I was still skeptical. I was skeptical for a while and laughed whenever he told me how much he liked me because he didn’t really know me. He called me all day and all night. He sent me pictures and spoke to me from morning until night. Meanwhile loyal bae was really trying to get serious and I was scared as hell, so I ran into fine ass’s arms. Something about him was open but not, like he would tell you whatever you wanted to know but he was still emotionally closed off. I could sense there was issues there I just couldn’t put my finger on it right away.
In the meanwhile, he was perfectttttttt. Everything loyal bae wasn’t Fine ass was. He was a man of god and he was proud of that. He was sweet and very affectionate. Fine ass was very reserved as well and he watched how he was portrayed on social media. He was kind of like meatloaf, a little bland but you still like it. The complete opposite of me, if you ever been on my Instagram @thereformedhoe you can see its ratchet and my ass is out. On all his social media it was basketball and quotes about god and shit. Now loyal bae had things that fine ass didn’t have like a job and he made me laugh until I couldn’t breathe and he would move mountains for me. Fine ass wasn’t funny. He made jokes your principal in high school would make. I knew I had to choose and I was confused as hell.
I decided the only way to choose would be to visit fine ass and that journey was a damn joke in and of itself. I packed my bag and was ready to take this trip to West Effin Virginia. Have yall ever been to West Virginia? If you haven’t, don’t go. Ain’t shit there but Aeropostale. So I had a connection flight because lo and behold no airline in their right mind flies to West Virginia straight. So my flight from my connection to my final destination gets cancelled. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So remember that thing about my intuition? Well yeah at this point, I was like god is saying NO I’m going home. My mom told me to try again the next day and her word is bond. So I booked a hotel room and in the middle of the night, the fire alarm goes off, I run out of the room and I’m beyond irritated. I worked that morning from 6 am so I was exhausted. When its time to finally get back to my room and I get back to my bed I CANT SLEEP BECAUSE IM ITCHY. THESE DUSTY ASS HOES HAD BED BUGS!! Now I’m hysterically crying because you cannot be serious, like you just can’t. Apparently the hotel had bed bugs on one side but not the other so they moved my room and gave me a free breakfast voucher because the trauma of it all will be cured by breakfast. I legit just threw my stuff out and the next day I continued on my journey. My flight to West Virginia was delayed as was every flight to West Virginia that day and right before I gave up all hope they fixed it and boarded it. So I get on the plane and we begin taxiing for take off and they get rerouted so 30 minutes later, I’m still on the runway and right before I jumped out of the damn plane, we took off.
After everythinggggg that happened I expected to hate him and have the worst trip of my life but nope, that was not the case. He was an angel and besides the fact that he didn’t make me laugh and he had the demeanor of a politician, I had an amazing time. I even had amazing sex which is probably what messed me up. I went to his game and stole a sweatshirt it was all fun and games. I was even sad to leave but he was coming back to NY in two weeks so I had that to look forward to. So things started getting real rocky because we didn’t FaceTime like we used to and we didn’t talk like we used to. I realized exactly what the issue is , hes high maintenance. He needed somebody way more stable than me because the lord knows I am a hot mess. I need somebody who can handle all of that and he just wasn’t it but I wanted to keep the sex so I still put up with him.
I saw him when he came to New York and we had fun. We continued to talk like normal until a few days later, he stopped responding. That was it. That man turned into Casper, The Not so Friendly Ghost. No warning. No explanation. No nothing. I was devastated. Not just because he ghosted me but because it was a hit to my self confidence. I wanted to be the one who did it. I also didn’t know what I did. I mulled over the options it could be for days. I was so hurt. I blamed myself and then I blamed him for being a jerk. I was mad and I was sad and I was melancholy. I went through every emotion in the book until I realized that was what I needed. I needed him to be out of my life even if it happened in a way I didn’t like. I realized that I learned that certain things are a must for someone I date and I even learned I am in no way shape or form healed enough to be anyone’s girlfriend besides my own. I definitely have alot more growing to do. I learned to listen to my intuition because the red flags were there. One day maybe I’ll find out what the hell happened and I’ll let you guys know.
Oh and if you ever read this fine ass, KISS MY WHOLE ASS and thank god that Ive grown enough that I didn’t light your school on fire and fatal attraction your dog. Have a blessed life.